In a highly publicized press conference yesterday, Cleveland Brown owner Jimmy Haslam discussed his recent meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell about his proposal to restructure a fiercely competitive league into something more egalitarian. Mr. Haslam felt that the league…
Dictators
North Korea Will Scrap Nuke Program on One Condition: “Give Us Flappy Bird”
by Jeff Boldt • • 0 Comments
In the middle of yesterday’s high-level talks between the two Koreas–a country at war with itself since the early 50s–the North issued a shocking reversal of policy regarding its ever-mounting nuclear program. Here is a rough translation of the official…
Lifestyle, Sci/Tech
Oreo Declared Gateway Snack to Dingdongs and Twinkies
by Jeff Boldt • • 0 Comments
A new study was published recently by scientists who are finally focusing on something we care about: the Oreo cookie. Their findings only confirmed what the public has felt down in their guts for some time–something which can best be…
Media, Politics
No Shutdown on Government ‘Selfies’
by Jeff Boldt • • 0 Comments
In turbulent times, a nation must look to those things that hold steady, remain true. Like the sailor’s northern star or the farmer’s spring rain or the DPRK’s Kim Jong Un, the American people–and its government–must find their constant. But,…
Lifestyle
Man Takes Day off Work to Help ABC with Ratings Dip
by Jeff Boldt • • 0 Comments
In view of the disconcerting drop in the number of people watching ABC’s fall line-up, local man, Howard Haversham, responded to the call with a vengeance. Howard, like everyone else in the world, keeps up with ratings fluctuations through Yahoo!’s…
Politics
Step-Son Left in Charge During Government Shutdown, Restores Confidence
by Jeff Boldt • • 0 Comments
Last Tuesday, as Congress remained deadlocked over spending issues, the U.S. government came to a screeching halt. This marked the eighteenth time the government has shut down since 1977 and the first time the government hasn’t not shut down since…