Monthly Archives: May 2011

A Modeling Line that’s “To Die For”

May 30, 2011
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NEW YORK, NY – According to Iron E-News fashion sources, Alfred and Walfred Zeitgeisterson, a top fashion designer (in collaboration with other modeling agencies such as Elite and IMG Models) is set to unveil what is sure to revolutionize the industry. The media is calling it “bold”, the fashion industry is calling it “uber-chic!” but…

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India Finally Making Progress as a Society—12 Million Girls Aborted in Last Thirty Years

May 26, 2011
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India Finally Making Progress as a Society—12 Million Girls Aborted in Last Thirty Years

NEW DELHI—In a land often indistinguishable from its history of poverty, corruption, and sometimes backwards cultural practices, India is finally showing signs of becoming progressive—specifically in the area of women’s rights. Studies show that, over the last three decades, millions and millions of women were liberated from the bonds of a society controlled by men…

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School Admin Issues Friendliest Mandatory Invitation Ever!

May 22, 2011
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SHANGHAI–In a recent goodwill gesture from a local Chinese Private School Administration, its very own faculty and staff were invited to attend a compulsory celebration of itself. Upon receiving the invitation, an extremely lengthy thank-you letter was issued (by the Admin to the Admin) on behalf of the teachers who, according to Admin sources, wanted…

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Secret Service Tweets “I Hate Elmo”—Real Culprit Found in Back Alley Garbage Can

May 19, 2011
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Secret Service Tweets “I Hate Elmo”—Real Culprit Found in Back Alley Garbage Can

WASHINGTON—Since the U.S. Secret Service joined Twitter on Wednesday, it seems their service to the U.S. is becoming less and less secretive. Two hours ago, their account was hacked by a former employee and now the Secret Service is scrambling to clean up its image. This is what was posted: “Talked to Elmo. Had to…

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Kim Jong-Un Publishes New Book—Daddy: The Tenderer Moments

May 17, 2011
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Kim Jong-Un Publishes New Book—Daddy: The Tenderer Moments

PYONGYANG—Recently, Iron E-News was given the rare chance to attend a very special and exclusive book signing in an exotic, distant, and oft misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK. Kim Jong Un, the son of the greatest example to dictators everywhere, officially released his first mini autobiography, and Iron E-News…

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Satire Accuses the Real World of Plagiarism

May 16, 2011
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Satire Accuses the Real World of Plagiarism

EARTH—The third planet from the sun is in serious trouble again and this time it’s not global warming. One week ago, representatives from the law offices of Irony, Mockery, Wit, and Fred notified the blue and green satellite that their client, Mrs. Satire, was officially taking it to court (location still being decided) on charges…

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Al Jazeera Creates Category 5 Tornado Just By Telling the News

May 10, 2011
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Al Jazeera Creates Category 5 Tornado Just By Telling the News

QATAR—The news studios of Al Jazeera TV experienced something of an unnatural phenomenon late yesterday when, without warning, an F5 Category tornado emanated directly from their newsroom. “It truly was the wildest thing I’ve ever seen,” reported one of the reporters. “We were doing our popular three-hour program called “Why Israel Sucks” when all of…

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Christians Caught Celebrating True Meaning of Easter

May 7, 2011
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Christians Caught Celebrating True Meaning of Easter

Last month during the holiday known to the world as Easter—the holiday of innocent white, fluffy rabbits, decoratively painted eggs, and hordes of smiling children all gathered on plush lawns for The Hunt—a group of Christians were found doing something so bizarre it was almost criminal: they were celebrating Christ. Interestingly enough, the person who…

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Flat Stanley Crashes White House Dinner—Could Face Charges

May 1, 2011
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Flat Stanley Crashes White House Dinner—Could Face Charges

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House released an official statement today, along with photos, in regard to an uninvited guest who allegedly ‘crashed’ the WHC dinner last night. The photos show a Mr. Stanley Lambchop being greeted by the president, while an unknown ambassador looks on. Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan issued a formal apology for the…

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Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control

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Don’t worry everybody–world-wide* acclaimed blogger and self-published publisher/editor/writer/artist, Mark Krotzchety (pronounced “Krotzchety”), wants you to know that he’s finally got his nagging compulsions under control.…

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