GREENLAND–A little more than one month ago, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice–approximately twice the size of Manhattan. And the Inuit couldn’t be happier. Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefitting from global warming trends for quite some time. Much of the ice that has been…
Apple CEO Tim Cook, looking to go in another direction with the company, revealed his plans to reboot the very first PDA ever created: the human palm. He’s calling it OPP. A spokesman for the company asked the press in attendance if they were “down with OPP,” and strangely enough all of them echoed in…
The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that might not come as a shock to many. Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe Biden single-handedly increased the social equivalent of the GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product)…
Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble. One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America. Scientists would have been completely…
In what was to be a highly contested gold medal match between two basketball powerhouses, Spain and the United States, turned out to be an epic battle between the American men and a completely random team that no one had ever heard of: Espana. The American team could not suppress their confusion as Espana took…
In one of the most romantic scenes since Gosling kissed McAdams in the rain, former governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts offered Congressman Paul Ryan of Wisconsin his hand in political matrimony. Not only did Governor Romney offer Ryan a place at his side, he solidified his commitment by offering his name. Congressman Ryan was so…
TEXAS–Local Fort Worthian, Peter Colorbean, was spotted outside of his suburban residence a few days ago and was once again mistaken for an ordinary white man. According to Mr. Colorbean, this is not the first time his color has been compared to the tile floor. “I’m just worried about future generations–not people but colors. When…
The American Badminton team narrowly escaped disqualification yesterday as four pairs from other countries were removed from the tournament for throwing matches. The decision was made after one pair from China, two from South Korea, and one from Indonesia were found guilty of ‘losing on purpose’ so as to avoid facing a more difficult opponent…
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