In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of history, the inspiring optical phenomenon was assumed to be purely asexual. But then, since the…
In his own inimitable way, televangelist and former political aspirant, Pat Robertson, announced the release of his highly anticipated “Greatest Hits” VHS tape on his show The 700 Club yesterday. Five minutes later, it had already gone gold. “It’s unbelievable, really,” said industry mogul Tom Jones. “In a short amount of time Robertson’s tape was…
Associated Press In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown car. From Benghazi to the IRS to killing American citizens without trial to…
*pic by Nicolas Suzor Forbes new power list of top college majors for 2013 features a new, though unsurprising, field of study: Taking videos and pictures of the cutest cats you can find and then posting them online in excess. This new category of videos and pictures, referred to as the Feline Arts in professional…
A new study was released last week detailing various online practices of users across our interconnected globe. Needless to say, some appalling facts have come to light. Apparently, the vast majority of web surfers suffer from something called lying. Basically, those who use internet slang as a form of communicating emotion are doing so superfluously,…
We’ve lived on this planet for thirty-five years now, and though we have easily adopted their mannerisms, assumed their practices, and assimilated their languages, we think it’s safe to say there are some things about humans that we will never understand – as sure as Rumyliak has three suns and Gorpin was a grifter. Lately,…
1. Set goals. This is probably the most important part in achieving them. 2. If you suck at something, give up. I know people say, “If at first you don’t succeed…” yada yada, but come on, do you want to be known as the guy or girl that succeeded at sucking? Just because you keep…
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