Associated Press In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown car. From Benghazi to the IRS to killing American citizens without trial to…
Five thousand years into the future, an intelligent extra-terrestrial species called The Collective uncovered a solitary data storage chip amongst the rubble once known as Earth and took it back to their ship for examination. Though initially puzzled by the tiny archaic construction, they learned what it (a usb) was through their unified symbiotic brain…
WASHINGTON D.C.–Following the controversial lip-syncing performance by singing sensation Beyonce Knowles at the inauguration a couple weeks ago, a pall of skepticism has hung over much of the administration’s policies and decisions, both current and past. One seldom discussed but extremely crucial aspect of his legacy is at the forefront: the ongoing and widespread campaign…
The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that might not come as a shock to many. Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe Biden single-handedly increased the social equivalent of the GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product)…
In one of the most romantic scenes since Gosling kissed McAdams in the rain, former governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts offered Congressman Paul Ryan of Wisconsin his hand in political matrimony. Not only did Governor Romney offer Ryan a place at his side, he solidified his commitment by offering his name. Congressman Ryan was so…
BOSTON–It was quite the Hallmark moment for the Romney clan today as the former governor stood next to his campaign bus at the Logan International Airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newly adopted sons. And as his “precious cargo” emerged from the plane intact, he almost couldn’t restrain himself. “I’m a dad again!” the…
Former president William J. Clinton apologized profusely on Thursday for what he called “being correct” on yet another issue involving politics. “God, I truly hate being right all the time,” admitted Clinton quite sorrowfully. “Furthermore, I would like to extend my deepest regrets to President Obama for all the trouble I’ve caused him by my…
Ron Paul may not seem the most obvious candidate to some but, according to the libertarian’s inner circle, Paul’s strategy for obtaining the White House sometime in the next century is nothing less than golden. The longtime congressman, though lagging behind his conservative counterparts in the Republican primary, sees himself as more of the tortoise…
WASHINGTON D.C.–In a historic, and extremely surprising turn of events for the land of the free and home of the brave, almost 90% of its diverse population has now found itself without a country or a home. Yesterday, on Capitol Hill, Republican lawmakers successfully pushed through sweeping immigration reform with far-reaching implications. “This is a…
Presidential hopeful Willard Mitt Romney, after a long and arduous day of campaigning, hand-pumping, and baby-kissing, was spotted outside the local theaters set to watch Moneyball with a few of his good friends. Those friends just happened to be General Electric and ExxonMobil. It’s not uncommon for high-profile politicians to let off a little steam…
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