In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of history, the inspiring optical phenomenon was assumed to be purely asexual. But then, since the…
In light of recent events in Boston and West, TX, Satire has decided to take a break. Luckily, there are people in this world that can step in at a moment’s notice and fill her shoes quite nicely. The North Korean government, a faithful part of the substitute pool for many years, was called in…
The WHO (not the band) revealed at a press conference yesterday that they have yet to find a cure for an age-old malady: crazy. After spending the past month or so dealing with a new strain of bird flu (H5N9) in China, officials with the UN organization have admitted their attempts to corral a new…
The bitter, age-old conflict between two great super powers, the government of Iran and the government of cuteness (Hello Kitty), reached its zenith ten days ago as the beloved but brave little doll successfully made its way into the history books and into our hearts by eclipsing both its rival and the Earth’s atmosphere. Despite…
It’s 2012 and, as everyone knows, the world is going to end this year–one way or another. A spokesman for Zombies United issued a statement yesterday apologizing for not having helped end things sooner. “Our sincerest apologies for not killing all of you sooner,” Mr. Zombie said. “But we’re waiting till X-Factor is over. On…
PYONGYANG–Reform, like hallucinatory drugs, comes in many shapes and sizes–and the effects, at times when you least expect. In one of the most surprising and historic events since the Arab Spring, Kim Jong-Un, son of the “Dear Leader”, has completely cut off his nation’s military spending (effective immediately). According to various agencies in charge of…
GREENLAND–A little more than one month ago, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice–approximately twice the size of Manhattan. And the Inuit couldn’t be happier. Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefitting from global warming trends for quite some time. Much of the ice that has been…
ENGLAND–In the wee hours of the morning, with the first rays of a new dawn illuminating the iconic rings under the London Bridge, one could almost hear the theme song from Chariots of Fire being sung in the distance. Apparently, that’s because it was. And if you waited around long enough, you might have heard…
LONDON–The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come under scrutiny are Nike (the Winged Victory statue will now be called Adidas) and God…
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