Grammarian Tries to Get Dangling Participle Expunged from Record

Clocktower Building University of Otago Dunedin New Zealand

Grammar specialist and former Literary Arts professor, Dr. Graham Hurnotzy, was the subject of a major academic inquest last year following the horrid scandal of an exposed participle during a faculty get-together gone wild.

According to his colleagues, Dr. Hurnotzy got a bit rambunctious after their quiz bowl win and lost all sense of propriety.

“I just don’t know what he was thinking,” one tenured professor admitted.  ”It was shocking, really.”

Dangling out there for the whole world to see, the good Dr. claimed that it was all a misunderstanding and that he was merely showing them what not to do when constructing their sentences.

“Uhuh, right,” responded another faculty member quite skeptically.  ”And participial phrases don’t need gerunds (chuckles sarcastically).  Am I right?”

Another colleague, equally suspicious, said, “Is that what we’re calling it now?  Remind me to say that the next time I split my infinitives!” garnering much laughter from the room.

Dr. Hurnotzy has taken his reprimand and indefinite suspension very seriously and is hopeful that his next scheduled meeting with the review board goes well.

“I know they have a strict ‘no tolerance’ policy for this kind of thing,” Hurnotzy admitted.  ”But I’m hopeful.  I’m hopeful that they’ll look at my track record and that I won’t be left hanging, so to speak.”

Jeff Boldt

Dedicated to covering that alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own.

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