THESSALONIKI–Who said Industrialism was the destroyer of history anyway? Greek archaeologists (who also happen to be moonlighting as subway workers – not the sandwich – due to the country’s recent financial troubles) have uncovered a section of marble road built by the Romans nearly 2,500 years ago. City servants are planning on opening a small…
Last night, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a report informing the nation of the terrible and reoccurring health and safety issue known as “Swamp Butt”. SB, which generally coincides with excessively warm summers, is a condition in which one’s butt crack takes on a life of its own and becomes a steaming,…
Next to a cold gaggling brook, in a small but verdant patch of green, settled serenely in the heart of the North American deciduous forest–the place where that “fresh car smell” is born–lives a baby cottontail rabbit named Booby. And, as you can see from the picture above, this is no ordinary Sylvilagus Floridanus. You…
Lukelu, beloved circus chimpanzee and singing cyclist extraordinaire, has officially hit rock-bottom. Once the poster-child of circus posters and best friend to spotlights everywhere, he is now sleeping in till 2 pm, smoking 2 packs a day, and hanging out with the only friends he can afford: Jim and Jack. It wasn’t always like this…
DAMASCUS–The people of Syria had great reason to celebrate yesterday morning as dawn brought, along with its warm rays, a new day of hope. For the past year, Syria has embroiled itself in an internal conflict which has ravaged entire towns and turned brother against brother. Various NGOs estimate that casualty totals (as a result…
Are you tired of seeing the world through regular dumb old common sense eyes? Have you secretly wanted the life of many professional reporters today? To not just be an objective witness of factual events, but actually be involved in shaping reality for others? Well, now you can. Iron E-News Products and Services Department is…
CARACAS–Enigmatic Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has been recovering at an alarmingly fast pace, and the doctors said that he should be back to “soaring with the condors” very soon. When Iron E-News correspondent Bev Jolt interviewed the president, she was surprised as anyone to find him in this revitalized (and poetic) state. He talked little…
BOSTON—Twenty-four-year-old Boston native and soon-to-be college grad, Richard Head, while sitting atop his cherry SUV and watching fireworks in the distance, learned a little bit more about American history and culture last night—and, man, would his dad have been proud. “The last thing I thought I was going to get that night was a history…
NEPTUNE CITY, NJ—Silver screen legend Jack Nicholson, best known for his performances in movies such as The Shining, Batman, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, was visiting his hometown in New Jersey when he got into a “misunderstanding” with a normal person named Hank (who reportedly makes 4,000 dollars a month and drives a…
As anyone with a brain knows, less than two months ago, the earth was touched by heaven: Prince William of England and Kate Middleton were married—in what will undoubtedly become the most widely covered and watched event of the decade. And preceding that life-altering moment, for six blessed months the media gloriously saturated us with…
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