In light of recent events in Boston and West, TX, Satire has decided to take a break. Luckily, there are people in this world that can step in at a moment’s notice and fill her shoes quite nicely. The North Korean government, a faithful part of the substitute pool for many years, was called in…
SHANGHAI—Some race for the thrill. Each heart-pounding, adrenaline-laced moment of competitive ecstasy fuels their passion for the road—their “need for speed”. Others race for the glory. The likes of Andretti. Busch. Petty. Fred. Barney. To be named with the golden ones is what they live for. But ever since he could remember, Lewis Hamilton has…
A collaboration of paleontologists, physical anthropologists, and blue-collar scientists unearthed a 3.14 million year old hominid in Ethiopia yesterday. They are calling her “Aussie Pi” – nicknamed for the time in which she was born as well as her species – Australopithicus Afarensis. She stood approximately 3 ½ feet tall, was busty, and weighed about…
NEW YORK—In a surprising move yesterday, Adonis Charlie Sheen announced that he would run for POTUS (or President of the United States), and that, obviously, everyone else who ran would fail and become “epic losers.” Mr. Sheen, no stranger to the spotlight lately, has pounced on the opportunity to see just how far his…
TEHRAN, IRAN – For Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, life as a dictator is starting to take its toll. His answer: FASCISTBOOK. In an extremely candid and colorful interview with Iron E-News, the Iranian leader showed us his vulnerable side and talked about how his important position and responsibilities have not come without their costs. “Being a beloved…
PRAGUE—Archaeologists who recently outed the first “gay” caveman have found some shocking new evidence and have now begun to question their original findings; not because of the gay caveman, but because of the telling way his brother was buried. Five thousand years ago, a young cavebrother sat quietly in his dark, Czechoslovakian cave, seething over…
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