The bitter, age-old conflict between two great super powers, the government of Iran and the government of cuteness (Hello Kitty), reached its zenith ten days ago as the beloved, brave little doll successfully made its way into the history books and into our hearts by eclipsing both its rival and the Earth’s atmosphere.
Despite heavy protestations from the UN and Iran, Hello Kitty declared its audacity and ingenuity to the world by outshining its blustering counterpart.
“Aaaargh! Darn that dirty infidoll!” Mahmoud screamed at Iranian reporters. ”No matter. She will rue the day she ever said ‘Hello’ to me! Haha! Yes. Say ‘Goodbye’ Hello Kitty!”
Many are suggesting that the cat’s bravado is being mistaken for courage and that her ill-timed actions will only stimulate an arms race. Even president Obama was muted in his praise of newly nicknamed “Astro Kitty”.
“She is an inspiration to young and old right now,” he began. ”Well, except Mahmoud, of course. Nevertheless, as I’m sure she will find out soon enough, just because you beat a dictator into space with the help of a seventh grader doesn’t mean that you don’t have to come back down to the Earth and deal with the issues. You can’t stay on cloud nine forever.”
After Obama’s speech, the Iranian president didn’t waste time in calling out the cat’s lack of integrity and shameless disregard for fairness.
“It’s not right!” he protested vehemently. “We agreed we wouldn’t solicit help from intelligent seventh graders in our race for space! Some hero! I guess if you like heroes that lack all conscience and spit in the face of a documented and witnessed ‘pinky swear agreement’ then Hello Kitty is your gal!”